It's Cupid, Stupid/Transcript
Dil: (smushes a brownie on the scanner, so it starts printing copies; he notices that a new boy is watching him) Uh, I was just making a flyer for a lost brownie; I swear! Lil'Q: Don't tell me. You think there's a pares to what the school chefs serve. Like, that's how you communicate with fellow aliens? Dil: (opens the scanner) Brownie, with blue cheese and sour balls? Tell me I'm not on to something! (Intro) Dil: And, who are you? Lil'Q: Lil'Q. I'm a transfer student. Dil: Oh yeah? From where? Lil'Q: Um, from pret-ty far away. Dil: Really? Far, far away? At last! When I least expected, you'e made contact with me! Me! You have the classic characteristics! The hyper-extended index finger! The giant forehead! The exo-skeleton! Wait a minute; You don't have any of those things. Lil'Q: That's because I'm not an alien. Dil: Oh, sorry. So, you're just your basic trustworthy new kid in school, huh? Lil'Q: Um, yeah. Oh, (takes out a purple hackysack from behind Dil's ear) and a hackysacker. Dil: Cool! Can you teach me to do that? But with a piano? Lil'Q: Sorry, it's just something you're... you're just born with. Dil: That's... weird! (takes the brownie out of the scanner) Lil'Q: Right. (Cut to the English classroom) Ms. O'Keats: Valentine's Day, and the school dance. Once Cupid's arrow pierces your heart, or shoulder, or any of the major extraminities really, the first person you see, (Angelica gazes at Sean Butler) is the person you'll love, for all eternity. Even if he doesn't love you back. (sighs sadly) Susie: (to Angelica) You could water the football field with that drool, girlfriend. Angelica: You'd better not have any ideas about going to the dance with Sean! He's mine! Sean: Dude, do I look better sitting like this? (shifts positions) Or like this? Susie: (sarcastically) Aww, say it isn't so. (Cut to the hallway, with a flyer for the Valentine's Day dance) Tommy: Valentine's Dance? I'm ten! Who needs this kind of pressure? It's hard enough handing out the cards. What do you say we just make it a... guys there for the free eats kind of thing? Chuckie: I'm with you, Tommy. Though at eleven, when it comes to social maturity, I am still at the bottom of the escalator. So, it's you and me. Me and you. Tommy: Solid. (He and Chuckie share a fist-bump) Chuckie: Besides, girls are the last thing on my mi-mi-mi (he stammers when Nicole walks by) -ei-ei- Hi, Nicole. Nicole: Hi, Chuckie. Chuckie: (sighs dreamily as he watches her walk away) Tommy: Chuckie? Chuckie: Nothi- what were we talking about? Tommy: (rolls his eyes at him) (Cut to the cafeteria) Dil: So, you're a tag team hackysacker, presently without a team, because your aim is lame. Makes sense. Lil'Q: I just gotta work on target practice. Happens every February. Dil: Wow! That's what I thought about verbs! Phil: Ah, I don't get Valentine's Day. (grabs a paper heart by Lil's tray, getting cheese sauce on it from his hand, so her eyes widen) This isn't even how a real heart is shaped. Lil: (snatches it away) You're getting cheese sauce on it! (starts cleaning it, as Chuckie looks at Nicole) And as third in charge of the dance decorating commitee, no sauce is allowed on any decoration without my say-so! Phil: Sor-ry! Tommy: So, it might be safe to assume you'd like to go to the dance with me and the Chuck man? Phil: I don't have to buy you guys corsages, do I? (laughs with Tommy) Tommy: Good one, huh Chuckie? Chuckie: (snaps out of his stare)' Huh? Oh uh, yeah. Um, Tommy, I've been kinda thinkin', and I'm, well, uh, what I mean is, um, it seems... (chuckles nervously at the twins, before he and Tommy turn around to talk in private) Don't get mad, but I'm thinking about asking Nicole to the dance. Tommy: What?! But we has a deal! Chuckie: I know! But I-I feel like I've had an emotional growth spurt since then. Tommy: Since five minutes ago? Chuckie: Kind of. She gave me a nice "hello." I think she's finally over that unfortunate Chongo incident, and sees me as a worthwhile human being. Tommy: Fine. I'll just watch Phil play "see food" all night. Phil: (sticks out his tongue, showing off his chewed-up sandwich bite) Chuckie: (thinks for a second, glancing between Tommy and Nicole) Okay, I won't ask her. I promised you we'd go as guys. Uh, together. Tommy: (thinks for a second) No Chuckie, that's dumb. You should go for it. Chuckie: (smiles timidly) Really? (glances at Nicole) Thanks, T. What's the worst that could happen? Angelica: Nicole could get a cramp in her side from laughing so hard before shooting you down?? (laughs, as Lil'Q shows disgust from a distance) Lil: You're going, right Angelica? Angelica: Only with the most popular boy in school. Phil: Morris Inskeep? The kid who can peel the dead skin off his feet in one yank? Angelica: Eww! That's gross, even for you! (dreamily) I'm talking about Sean Butler! Phil: Whoa! He asked you? Angelica: Yes! He... just doesn't know it yet. (walks away) Lil'Q: What's with Ms. Meaning this and Chuck man about Nicole? Dil: (shrugs) Dunno. Hey, are you going to eat your carrot and red licorice salad? Lil'Q: (laughs and lets Dil dump his salad in a plastic zip-up bag) Copy a white-lib, Dil. (after Dil walks away, Lil'Q notices Chuckie staring at Nicole, before he gets an idea) - (Cut to the Java Lava, where Angelica is dragging Harold inside) Angelica: (quietly) Now, when I tell you to beg me to go to the dance with you, use those lines I gave you! Harold: But I already told you, I can't go with anyone. I'm DJing, and... Angelica: BEG! Harold: (sounds obviously fake) Please, oh please, won't you... please go to the dance... with me, Angelica? (Sean and Justin don't notice, so he continues) Get down on bended knee, and... Angelica: Not that part! (forces to get down on bended knee; now sounding fake as well) You're the fifth boy who's asked me, and for the fifth time, no! I'm waiting for the perfect guy! (starts spinning around dramatically) One who's as good-looking and popular as I, but who could it be?! Ohhh! (seductively slouches on the computer that Sean and Justin are using) Sean: (whispers in Justin's ear, looking angry) Justin: Yo. Angelica: Hmm? Justin: You're messing up the game. Angelica: (frowns sadly, stands on the floor, and walks away) Kimi: (witnesses the scene with Susie and Z) Is it me, or is that kinda pathetic? Z: Pretty bold walk. Susie: I've seen worse… oh haha, that was Angelica, too! I'm glad I'm not bitten about the dance. Kimi: Me too. Uh, we are going as a group, right? Susie: All for one, one for all. (The three clink their cups together) Tommy: (as at a different table with Phil) I gotta say, I'm a little bummed about Chuckie asking Nicole. I mean, it was supposed to be a "Who cares about Valentine's Day?" night. Okay, this is going to sound... pretty uncool, but I'm kinda hoping she turns him down. Kimi: (accidentally overhears, along with Susie and Z) Did you hear that? Susie: I didn't know Tommy was into Nicole. (Cut to the school cafeteria) Dil: (sets his sneaker on his head) Lil'Q: (kicks his hackysack, but it flies too high, and lands in another boy's lunch) Tommy: Last chance to change your mind. Chuckie: Nope, I'm gonna do this, Tommy. Um, am I sweaty? Braces broccoli-free? (shows his teeth nervously) How's my breath? (breathes heavily to Tommy's face) Tommy: What're you so nervous for? You talk to Nicole all the time. Chuckie: Yeah, well, words come easy when you're not asking someone out on your first date! (sighs, before he turns around) Okay, here I go. Tommy: (sadly) Break a leg. Chuckie: (starts walking up to Nicole, who is reading a book at a table) Lil'Q: You know, I need a real challenge. Like, kicking it to the book that girl's holding. (kicks the hackysack to Nicole, and it hits her head. Chuckie then trips on his shoelace immediately after) Tommy: (walks up to check on him) Uh Chuckie, when I said break a leg, (Nicole looks up, her hand on her head where it was hit) I didn't mean, you know, break a leg. Nicole: (sees Tommy in a whole new way, with a choir singing and a pink and yellow background; She smiles in a lovestruck way) Chuckie: (stands up) Minor setback. Not a problem. (walks up to Nicole) Um, Nicole...? Nicole: (looks behind Chuckie) Tommy Pickles! (walks up to him) You are the cutest boy in school! Chuckie: Okay, that's a problem. Lil'Q: Dang! - (Cut to the hallway) Nicole: (set her books in Tommy's hands) Tommy, walk me to my locker? Tommy: Well, I-I uh, I c-can't. I gotta see a guy uh, about a thing. Nicole: Okay. (takes her books back, and walks away) See you later. Tommy: What's going on with her? Chuckie: I was going to ask you the same thing. (crosses his arms) She sure acts like she likes you. Tommy: (shrugs) (Cut to the cafeteria) Lil'Q: I've gotta hit her again. Dil: (looks confused, scratching his head) Lil'Q: You know uh, to be polite. (makes his hackysack appear in his hand) Dil: (understands, now watching carefully) Angelica: (walks outside with Sean and Justin) So, I've been comparing notes on what it's like to be so popular, people actually hate you. (laughs) Sean: (gets hit with the hackysack, so he's left behind as he rubs his head) Lil'Q: Dang! Sean: Yo! What was...? (sees Susie, and sees her in a new way, like with Nicole and Tommy) Susie! (walks up to her, as Angelica watches in shock) Who are you going to the dance with? Do you wanna go with me? Do you wanna go steady? I'm not being too pushy, am I? Susie: No, no, no, and yes. Sean: Tight! A definite maybe! Angelica: You want to take Susie to the dance?! Susie?! Sean: Yeah, she's great. And I never knew it until just now, Angela. Angelica: (angrily) It's Angelica. Don't move! (drags Susie away from the table) You stole Sean from me, you, you, Sean stealer! Susie: Did not, I was sitting here, minding my own business. Angelica: More like you were minding mine! Ooh! (storms away angrily) Susie: ... Ough! (walks back to the table) Lil'Q: Oh man! Dil: So, there's points off for hitting a Sean, instead of a Nicole? Lil'Q: Oh yeah. Dil: And I thought the rule of thumb was complicated. (Cut to the hallway) Chuckie: So, you're sure you're not forgetting about a time you saved her life, or somethin', or bought her a dessert, or a new car?! Tommy: No! Chuckie: Well, you had to do something to make her suddenly like you so much! Tommy: I didn't, Chuckie! I swear! Besides, I wouldn't do that to you! She's probably just being polite; I know she likes you way more than me. Chuckie: (smiles with hope) Really? You think? Nicole: (walks up to them) I've been looking for you! (gives Tommy a card) Tommy: (reads the front) Happy Valentine's Day. (opens the card, so paper Mexican men start dancing to Spanish, instrumental music with a "Be Mine!" sign) Thanks. And it isn't even Valentine's Day yet. E-except in Mexico, I guess. Nicole: I give the really special ones early. (sees Chuckie) Oh, hi Chuckie. (walks away) Chuckie: (sadly watches her walk away) You get the special one. (his lip quivers sadly) Tommy: (feels sympathy) Man, I am totally sorry! This is like a-a really bad after-school special. I-I want to do something to help, but I don't know what. Chuckie: I think you've done enough. (walks away) Tommy: But... (Cut to the Java Lava) Dil: I'm thinking the school environment may be cramping your style. You're more of an (spins in his seat for emphasis) outside the box type. (stops spinning) And in light of your recent mishaps, perhaps you should work your way up to humans, with some stationary ego-building targets. (Lil'Q shows doubt in his idea) Z: (stands up) I'll uh, go order the smoothies. (walks to the counter) Angelica: (walks up to Kimi and Susie's table) Kimi, if you know what's good for you, you'll keep Susie the boy-swiper away from Z. Susie: (sarcastically) Ooh yeah, 'cause I'm bored with Sean, who I stole just yesterday. (laughs with Kimi, before they share a high-five) Kimi: A: Susie is like my best friend. And B: Z is just a good bud. Angelica: Thanks for the alphabet lesson, but I still say you can't trust her! Kimi: Right. Watch and learn; Susie, want to help Z carry the smoothies back to the table? Susie: If you think you can trust me! (they laugh again, as Angelica walks away in a huff) (Chaz sets a smoothie on the counter, so there are now three, as Lil'Q decides to do what Dil suggested. He kicks his hackysack, but it hits Z in the back of his head. He looks up, and sees Susie walk up.) Susie: I thought you might need help. Z: (sees her in a love struck way) Susie, Susie, Susie! Susie: Huh? Lil'Q: (feeling distressed) Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Sean: (walks in the cafe) Susie, there you are! (runs up to her) Z: I got it covered, so buzz off! Sean: Oh yeah? Well, I'm taking her to the dance. Z: I'm taking her! Susie: Z, we were going as a group! You, me, and Kimi! Remember? Z: (keeps his focus on Sean) Kimi? Heh, Kimi who? Kimi: (stands up) Kimi who?! Sean: I'm taking Susie to the dance! Z: I'm taking her! (walks up to Susie) Kimi: You're not supposed to be taking anyone! Angelica: (in a know-it-all tone) You're not supposed to care. Kimi: I don't! I-I mean, I didn't! (defeatedly) Okay, I do. Z: (to Susie) Name your corsage! Sean: My uncle runs a limo company! Z: I can get us box seats to the opera! (Susie and Sean stare at him) If uh, you know, that's where we're going. (Angelica gives Kimi an "I told you so" smile. Kimi angrily walks up to Susie.) Susie: I don't know what's going on! Kimi: Best friends?! Ha! (runs out of the cafe, feeling hurt and betrayed) Susie: Kimi, wait! (runs after her) Sean: Susie, wait! Z: Hold on! (He and Sean get stuck in the doorway, but they get out) Sean: Susie! (They run after the girls) (Dil and Lil'Q lean against the counter on the floor, witnessing the scene) (Cut to the Pickles house) Dil: (walks up to Lil'Q wearing a fold-up sign, with a target on the front) Okay, there's no point in working your slow twitch muscles, since targets will probably be moving. So, we'll focus on your fast twitch ones, enhancing muscle memory. I'm gonna run, you're gonna throw. Lil'Q: Thanks Dil, but my mojo's a no-go. They give me one week a year, to show my stuff, and I blew it. Maybe I better hand in the hackysacks. (tosses it behind his back, but it lands on Spike's head. Spike suddenly sees the vaccuum cleaner in a lovestruck way, and smiles.) (The phone rings, and Tommy answers it, with Stu and Did witnessing.) Tommy: Pickles Residence. (his smile fades away) Oh, uh, hi. (waits to answer) Porkchops... homework... TV... bye. (hangs up) Didi: Was someone taking a survey? Tommy: Kind of. It was a girl, but she's madly in love with me or something. Sh-she may go ballistic. Stu: (nods)'' 'Mm. The Pickles curse.' Tommy: I mean, Chuckie's the one who likes her. Stu: Uh huh. Tommy: He's the one who wants to take her to the dance. Didi/Stu: Ah. Tommy: Only, he never got a chance to ask her. Maybe, once she finds out he wants to take her to the dance, she won't be interested in me. (smiles) Hey, thanks for your help! (gives Stu and Didi a thumbs-up, before he runs off) Didi: I don't know what we said, but I'm glad we said it. Stu: Anyone know what's with Spike's sudden interest in the vaccum's funishe line attachment? (Cut to the Finster house, where Chuckie and Kimi are doing the dishes) Chuckie: Uh, Kimi? I just wanted to tell you, the same thing that is going on with you, susie, and Z is going on with me, Tommy, and Nicole, so I know what you're feeling. Kimi: Oh, really? You suddenly realized you have a crush on Z too, and your best friend is a backstabber? Chuckie: Not exactly. The difference is, I've given this a lot of thought, and I'll be darned if I'm going to let this ruin my friendship with Tommy. If he swears he didn't do anything to make Nicole fall madly in love with him, and reduce me to a grain of sand on the beach of life, then... I believe him. He even told me to ask her to the dance. Kimi: Oh yeah? Well, I'' heard him say he was hoping Nicole would turn you down. '''Chuckie:' (now shocked) What? No way, Tommy would never do anything like that. Kimi: (now depressed) That's what I thought about Susie. (walks out of the kitchen solemnly) (Cut to the cafeteria) Tommy: Nicole? Nicole: (eagerly) Uh huh? Tommy: Uh, what would you say if some guy who-who's really nice, but kinda shy (Chuckie watches from a distance) wanted to take you to the dance? Nicole: (hugs him, getting the wrong idea) I'd love to go to the dance with you, Tommy! Tommy: (pulls her away by her shoulders) What?! Nicole: Oh, it's so cute when a boy makes up a fake boy just to test the waters! (pinches his cheek gushingly) Tommy: No, no! Nicole: Oh, I can't wait to tell everyone! (stands up, and runs to Chuckie) Tommy's taking me to the dance! (jumps up and down with joy) Tommy's taking me to the dance! Chuckie:' '(watches miserably, clutching his shirt) Tommy: Chuckie, you've gotta believe me! Uh-uh she got it all wrong! I-I don't want to take her to the dance! Chuckie: (now hurt and betrayed) Tommy, how could you lie to me? Tommy: I'm not! It-It's all a mistake! Chuckie: Su-u-ure! The only mistake I can see is the one I've been making for about the last nine years, you know! Thinking you were my best friend! (walks away) Tommy: But it's not what it looked like! Lil'Q: (witnesses the scene, and sees Tommy sad) Dang! - (Cut to the hallway) Tommy: (speaks slowly and clearly, with hand gestures, and Phil watching closely) Like I said, we can't go to the dance together, Nicole. Nicole: (giggles) But you'll be there, and I'll be there, so we will be going together! You're so cute when you're confused! (kisses Tommy's cheek, and walks away) Tommy: (wipes his cheek; to Phil) You heard me tell her no, right? Phil: Yep. Tommy: Then how come she didn't hear it? Susie: (jumps in surprise at Angelica closeing her locker) Angelica: Sean is the perfect guy for me, and you know it! We are totally alike! Susie: Well, he does stare at himself in the mirror as much as you do. Angelica: So, you'll tell him you're not interested? Susie: I'm not interested! In him, or Z. And I told them so. I wish they'd both just leave me alone. Angelica: Boy, you tell them no, and they come back for more. (has an epiphany) Hey! Maybe Sean's the kind of guy who likes rejection! My specialty. Thanks, Ms. No-Longer-An-Item-With-Sean. (walks away, while Susie shakes her head in disbelief) (Cut to the Java Lava) Susie: (sneaks in the cafe wearing a trench coat, sunglasses, and a hat, while Chuckie is working) Phew, I finally lost them at the book store. Chuckie: Hey, Susie. Susie: Is it me, Chuckie, or does Valentine's Day make people a little nuts? It's like Kimi and I were never friends. Chuckie: (accidentally turns on the blender without its lid) D'aah! (turns it off) How can you say that?(wipes the pink smoothie from the blender off his face) Susie: Well, if we were, she would've believed me when I told her I didn't have anything to do with Z liking me. Chuckie: (wipes the smoothie out of his hair) Well, yeah, but sometimes, the evidence is just so... Susie: I mean, isn't that the point of being best friends? You trust each other, even when everything is telling you not to. That's not crazy, is it? Chuckie: (thinks for a second) No. (smiles timidly) Not crazy. (shakes his head) Not crazy at all. Susie: (pauses for a second) Chuckie, you want to go to the dance with me? Chuckie: (looks surprised, and shrugs) Uh... (smiles again) okay. But just as guys, right? Susie: (nods) (Cut to the gymnasium, where the party is going on) Kimi: Susie really said that? Chuckie: (nods) Kimi: (now guilty) And I cut her out of a picture of us last night. Susie: (comes up behind her, as Kimi smiles) Well, we can start taking new pictures. Right now. (shares a hug with Kimi, indicating that they're friends again) Lil: (keeps slapping kids' hands away from the cupcakes) I arranged these in an ancient aztec symbol, denoting friendship. Take one, and it'll say something totally different, like "cover your mouth before coughing." How Valentine's Day is that? Dil: (is under the food table with Lil'Q) You're gonna get it right this time; I feel it. And when Dil Pickles feels something, it's not gas or indigestion. You don't need training; You need un-training. Just let it go, Lil'Q, and be one with your muse. Lil'Q: (contemplates the idea, before smiling) Let it go. Tommy: (hides from Nicole behind a plant, before he sees Chuckie and comes out) Look, Chuckie... Chuckie: Nope, my turn ro talk. But my confidence tablecloth has been yanked out from under me, because Nicole doesn't like me the way she likes you. (Tommy looks guilty) You're still my best friend. (Tommy smiles) And if you tell me you don't know what's going on, I believe you. (shares a fist-bump with Tommy) Angelica: (pretending to talk on her phone, initiating her plan) I'm so afraid Sean Butler is going to ask me to dance, and I can't stand him! (her phone rings for real, so Sean smiles) What?! No, I don't need more long-distance minutes! (angrily hangs up, then seductively dances around Sean, but he walks away) Huh? (frowns sadly) (The lights suddenly dim down) Harold: Hey, you are here with Harold and his hiller hits! Time to kick things up, so grab a partner! (Students partner up and start dancing to the music; A spotlight shines on Susie and Kimi; Sean and Z run up to them) Susie: (holds her hands up in rejection) Don't think so! (Sean and Z frown sadly, before walking away) (Nicole looks around for Tommy) Tommy: Go work that Finster magic, Chuckie, and ask her to dance. (When Chuckie hesitates, Tommy gives him a reassuring look, so he goes to do so) Dil: We got ourselves an incoming! Lil'Q: (puts his fingers on his temples) Let it go. (Dil throws the hackysack in the air, and Lil'Q kicks it, so it lands on Nicole's head) Nicole: (looks up, and sees Chuckie in front of her in a lovestruck way) Chuckie! Chuckie: Yeah, I know, the last guy you want to see, but... would you like...? Nicole: To dance? Love to! (takes his hand and takes him to the dance floor, as Chuckie gives Tommy a thumbs-up) Dil: Boy, I'll never get this game. Lil'Q: You don't have to; And that "let it go" thing really worked. I'm back. (he tosses the hackysack back and forth; He then sees Z and Kimi, and hits Z in the head with the hackysack) Z: (sees Kimi in a lovestruck way) Hey. Boot Girl, want to dance? Kimi: But, I thought you... (gladly goes to dance with Z, with Susie witnessing) Lil'Q: (hits Sean with the hackysack) Sean: (drops his drink in surprise) Oh! Man, What was that? (sees Angelica, but surprisingly in a normal way) Hey Angelica, did you see what…? Angelica: (lets go of a large, heart balloon she was holding) I'd love to! (drags him to the dance floor) Sean: Whoa! But I don't wanna… Angelica: DANCE! Sean: Okay. (starts dancing with Angelica, while knelt down) (Phil reaches for a cupcake, but Lil slaps his hand away.) Lil'Q: I just want to make one more shot. (kicks the hackysack at a net of roses, so the roses come showering down) Lil: (starts panicking) That wasn't supposed to happen yet! Phil: (quietly, to Tommy) Hey, could you ask my sister to dance, so I could eat? (Tommy walks to the dance floor with Lil; Phil reaches for a cupcake, but Susie grabs his hand and dances with him. He frowns sadly when the cupcake he wants is taken, but shrugs it off and continues dancing) Dil: (spots a cupcake that mysteriously resembles an alien, and grabs it) Whoa! Lil'Q! If this isn't rhuba... (stops when he notices that Lil'Q is gone, with a note on the table, and the hackysack. He picks it up, and reads it out loud.) Dil, thanks for the pointer. Lil'Q. (takes the hackysack, and clumsily kicks it away; It lands on Ms. O'Keats' head) Ms. O'Keats: Oh! (catches the hackysack; sighs) If only you were Cupid's arrow. (The screen fades to black as the students dance all around the room) Category:Content Category:Transcripts Category:All Grown Up! Transcripts Category:Complete Transcripts Category:All Grown Up!